humility in the first person

by Proof and Proving

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    "to all those pleasurable mistakes made on purpose"
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credits

released October 3, 2010

tags

license

all rights reserved
Track Name: dear mother
I found what i was looking for, dear mother.
Words that can wage war on each other.
Track Name: where in the simile am i?
A cogent simile: an architect’s building -
a source of pride, and accomplishment through time;
moments pass, structures fail or fall;
or get the sweet kiss of a wrecking ball
all in the name of progress or time
while the architect watches idly by.
But where in the simile am I?
Track Name: parental advisory
I feel it important to state that I support the lost cause.
Instead of trying to figure out what's wrong I'll just sit
and play another song as I wait for you to wake up.

You're the paper tiger and I'm the lighter that doesn't work
but now we're in a gas filled room.
My spark is still good and I care less for my plastic
than you do for your folds.
Let the mediums and the medias bastardize a cause.

Those who come within an inch of death have us a story.
Those ones who are dead don't really do well at telling stories,
and he exacerbated the degrading of his company in his out-loud narrative
by using words like "exacerbated".

You're the paper tiger and I'm the lighter that doesn't work
but now we're in a gas filled room.
My spark is still good and I care less for my plastic
than you do for your folds.

I've had some time to reconsider the situation.
My mind has changed, and we should go home together tonight.
Tonight we'll stay together for the kids, I'm sure you'll agree.

I feel it important to state that I support the lost cause.
Track Name: the good news
This is a coming of age -
a time, period, place to do away with training wheels
and jump into the deep end
without water wings, just to pretend.
And even if our wills feel whimsy,
the day still windy,
we'll still work out a way to stay
and play
a game of frisbee.

But at the end of the day,
it becomes hard to say what's worse:
a ball-gag, a choker,
or pushing ourselves to the point where sex hurts.
But i think i found the answer.
And i just can't wait to wrap the good news around your neck.
I just can't wait to wrap the good noose around your neck.
Track Name: lobotomy
With these words that I just can't get
and a look I'll never forget.
When your eyes rolled into the back of your head
I forgot what was said.

"I should wear a cape, the way I fly off the handle."
A joking thought as you lye there so still and so cold.
I rest the hammer on the ground,
the room is silent spare for one spoken sound.

I look to your body and I say "I'm sorry."
Leaving the room I look to the mirror and I say "Thank you."
Pardon me as I kill the crazier part of me.
Track Name: for austria
Dearest friend: I'm going mad
looking back at what fun I used to have.

"It's okay. You're perfectly sane.
Don't dwell too much or
you'll lose touch with reality."

Reality isn't there for me.
All I have are those past memories.
I'm getting sick of this.
It was all I have, now it's all I seem to miss.

And I know all these words because before I told you so.
"Maybe that's why they all sound so familiar."

"Return to sender: I must say
it's been a few weeks, how do you feel today?"

Today I feel okay.
I'm getting by and I try to make it through these hard times.
But I feel much better than I did before.
Mopping around is such of a bore.

"Before all this you could be fun.
Mopping around just gets nothing done.
You've become no fun."

And I know all these songs because before I sung them so.
"Maybe that's why they all sound so familiar."
Track Name: gravity
I fought with gravity and lost.
With all humility the cost of this was just a skinned knee.

I've found thought lights over my head
have left the lasting impression
that they can only ever be wrong.

With this mask, this face in denial;
with that forced but fitting smile.

Quaint walks going down memory lane
proves that it needs to be repaved
and my pants are ripped to show the price.

Fading in and out of consciousness
thinking 'is there any relevance
and can I write depressingly
about now being happy?

Dear friend, dear depression:
[I'm] Now affording the ability to make
poor decisions. [Poor decisions] no longer haunting me.

I don't miss you.
I miss what I think I deserve you to me to me.

I fought with gravity and lost.
With all humility the cost I paid was just a skinned knee.
Track Name: prehome
Say "Okay! That's it!"
or "No! Wait! There's more!"
Just say whatever it is you came to say,
just from the other side of that door.

We bond, we break. We take ourselves too seriously.

"They say you are what you eat. Well," he said
"that makes me pride".
Under the pretense of better times, was swallowed.

But now we're packing up and we're moving on
for better things [there are better days ahead]
and better ways.

Some things are numbered
and here - so are my days

In this: a prime real estate.
The expanding landing between a moving rock and a hard place.

It's only uphill for so long, Sisyphus;
so make the most of it.
Track Name: home
It's been quite some time since the last time,
and after all of it I still try to make this
[for god's sake it's] a learning curve [all right]

that with my mittens and red flyer
this winter can feel a bit kinder
than it's typical mold of pale, redundant, alone, and cold.

And I never remember going downhill so fast.

Winter leads to Spring
And I'll be burned a new.
No one believes the dead can revive to alive,
but now i do - thanks to you.

Don't mind me if I get lost in the palette.
I'm just trying to paint the scenario as i see fit;
and have you write the music to it.

We'll role reverse again for the safety of routine
and you can paint colors overtop of my scene
once more and I'll rewrite the musical score
for a perfect harmony.

Winter leads to Spring
And I'll be burned a new.
No one believes the dead can revive to alive,
but now i do - thanks to you.

We'll call this home.
Track Name: vice
"Good morning!" screams the sunlight
as i pull the covers to shield our eyes.

It's not cold in here, but we still appreciate
the feel of each other's body; and heat.

We're not foolish, and we know that it's not love.
We're young, a little bit anxious

and sincere appreciation of
each other's strong hold is right now all we can think of.

Bold, young, never to listen to advice;
but right here, right now
we realize our vice:

That we're suckers for the embrace.
So hold on for dear life.

And sometimes in silence we say the most powerful things.
But it isn't until after, in hindsight, that we realize such happenings.

I'm not ready for the same "hello" and "goodbye".
So I'll try.

And so my gift to you is a blindfold in a [form of a] blanket
and I'm happy,

I just don't know it yet.
Track Name: no, it's just different
Tick marks etched in a wall,
in a closet, in a room, in my mind.
I'll carve in just one more before I shut the door.

I realize that that folly uncertainty
has certainly made me half the man i used to be.
The other half was made up
by all those pleasurable mistakes I made on purpose;
just to serve a purpose, of course,
enough to ruin myself
enough to justify, at least...well, just one more time -
an etched tick mark that I hide behind a closed closet door.

I've learned my lessons, and I have the scars to prove it.
But I'll never take back what it was I carved onto a wall
in a closet, in a room, in my mind.

[In my mind] that folly uncertainty
has certainly made me half the man i used to be.
The art is not dead, no - it's just different;
at least it is to me.

Once more a confession I hide behind;
another confession I hide behind
these strings I call a door.

I found what I was looking for, dear mother:
Words that can wage war on each other, and I'm gone.